


To sleep or not to sleep

by Windfighter



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Emil/Lalli if you squint, Gen, Sorry Emil, Whumptober 2018, not much whump though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 01:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16506971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windfighter/pseuds/Windfighter
Summary: Prompt: Insomnia





	To sleep or not to sleep

Lalli returned from nightshift. It was early morning and Keuruu was slowly waking up. A dog that had snuck away from its owner came up to him, but he ignored it. He stretched, yawned. He was so tired. He stopped for a second outside of Emil's apartment, then kept moving to his own. He leaned his gun against the wall and sank down under his bed. He closed his eyes. Opened them again and rolled over to his side. Flipped to his stomach. His back again. He closed his eyes, tried to relax.

 _What if_ , his brain started. He yelled at it. Told it firmly _No_. _But what if?_ He changed position again and buried his face in his arms. _What if Emil have forgotten about me?_ They hadn't talked for so long now, their schedules didn't give much time for it. _What if he hates me?_ _Why would he_? Onni didn't talk with him a either. The occassional greeting when they met, but nothing outside of that. _Stop thinking about it_. He turned over again.

The sun started lighting up his room and he got out from under the bed, pulled the blinds over the window and sat down on the bed.  _Just let me sleep_ . He didn't know who he was asking. He had been able to fall asleep instantly, but then... Then their adventures had been over. He had returned to his regular schedule. He had stopped being able to fall asleep. Some days it only took him two hours to fall asleep, other days he'd lie awake until it was time to get up for work.

Emil had moved to Keuruu a year later. He had looked just as worn as Lalli felt. Lalli buried his fingers in his hair. They hadn't really talked. Emil had smiled at him, he had stayed away as much as possible. He laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.  _If it fell down over me, what would I regret?_ The ceiling wasn't going to fall down upon him.  _I shouldn't have complained about the blueberries, they made Tuuri happy._ He closed his eyes.  _I should take Emil and pick blueberries with him. He'd like it._ But what if he didn't? He opened his eyes again, dared the ceiling to fall down. He didn't want to die, but...  _I'd get to sleep then._

People were starting to move outside. Lalli listened to their voices, tried to ignore them. Sleep eluded him, he was wide awake. Tired and wide awake. He sat up again. _Tuuri..._ She'd have advice for him, advice he'd ignore. But she was dead because he had been unable to protect her. He stood up, leaned against the wall and looked towards the curtains. He had almost missed a troll tonight, just because of the tiredness that wrapped around his head like a veil. He rolled up under the bed again.

_One more try. I need it._ He closed his eyes. Images of fire danced infront of his eyes.  _”This dream ends before it gets here.”_ Emil's voice and Lalli slapped his hands over his ears.  _What if I had taken another way that day?_ He buried his face in the pillow.  _What if I had trusted that Tuuri found the way herself?_ He started imagining how different everything would have turned out.  _What if I hadn't seen the note on my door?_ Tuuri would have been safe. She wouldn't have left without him, would she?  _Did I spot all the trolls today?_

Lalli let out a sigh. _Emil..._ He rolled out again. In an hour Emil would leave with the others. He was probably just waking up. Lalli got up from the floor. _He doesn't want to talk with me anyway._ He left the apartment. Froze when he reached Emil's door. There were sounds on the other side.

”Will you let me sleep tomorrow?” Emil's voice rang out.

Swedish, but Lalli could understand it. Who was he talking to? Lalli put his ear against the door.

”I just...”

Lalli scratched at the door. It took half a minute, then the door opened. Emil stared at him, blinked. Lalli stared back. Emil had bags under his eyes, his hair was ruffled and the shirt was put on backwards and inside-out. _Do I also look like that?_ Emil closed his eyes, rubbed them and took a step back. Lalli entered, sat down on Emil's bed. Emil's apartment looked exactly like his own but with more stuff spread out on the floor and the table.

”Do you... drink? Food?” Emil asked in broken Finnish.

Lalli shook his head. Emil yawned, then apologized.

”No sleep”, he said.

”Mm”, Lalli answered.

Emil's bed was warm. Lalli's hands played with the blanket. Emil closed the door and sank down on the chair. He leaned against the table, looked at Lalli.

”How...” he stumbled over the Finnish then shook his head and switched to Swedish. ”How are you? You look tired.”

”You too”, Lalli answered.

Emil laughed.

”Didn't get any sleep. What's your excuse?”

”Mm.”

”So? Apart from that, how are you? I've barely seen you all these years.”

Emil got up and sat down next to Lalli. Lalli looked at his knees. _I should apologize. He came here for me and I stayed away._ He couldn't open his mouth. Emil yawned again and leaned against the wall.

”I'm so tired”, he muttered.

”Want me to leave?”

”No, I need to leave soon anyway”, Emil let out another yawn. ”You can stay if you want to.”

Emil's eyes closed. Lalli looked at him, leaned against the wall next to Emil. He let his eyes close, rested his head on Emil's shoulder. Emil's head dropped, weighed Lalli's down. He could feel Emil's breathing getting slower and then he was asleep.

 


End file.
